I Used to Think I Needed Date Night for a Thriving Marriage

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I love date nights with my husband! They are a great time for us to have fun together and talk. Throughout my six and a half year marriage, I have valued date nights very highly.

When our first child was born almost five years ago, these escalated to a marriage-survival-necessity in my book. During many, many months my husband and I would live for those date nights, viewing them as the very means by which we could enjoy a thriving relationship.

Yet the same pattern would occur each time: We would reconnect on the date –amazing. It would be fun and full of good conversation and good food –refreshing. Our relationship would get a boost of closeness –wonderful. And we would enjoy the benefits brought about by it for the next several days.

But, unfortunately, these feelings would wane. Soon, we again felt disconnected, which showed itself in stress and lack of good communication.

What’s more, I developed the habit of filing topics of conversation away in my mind for the next date night. I knew my husband would be all ears and ready to work through things at that point. Many times I sat on issues for weeks, waiting for the designated date on the calendar to make forward progress. Date nights felt like the finish line and everything in between, the marathon.

But dates are not the finish line.

Read the rest at YoungWifesGuide.com!


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  1. Gilda says:

    Thanks for writing this. I’ve known many people, well intentioned of course, who are adamant on having dates. For some is truly a lifeline, like some friends who have children with several physical and mental needs. However, for us, it wasn’t something we HAD to have. We were married almost eight years before having children, and we enjoyed our “kid-less” time. When babies came it became natural for us to attend he many needs of a baby. It felt fine. My husband works from home and we talk (a lot) throughout the day. We text each other, just to make each other laugh or to consult an issue or whatever, or I pop in his office, if he super busy or on the phone, I’ll leave a note. We also have a good 2-3 hrs after the kids go to bed for a good chat, board game or tv show. We thrive in communicating the smallest detail (we did survive a long distance relationship for almost 5 years), and we find that we talk a lot! We’ve gone on dates since havin kiddos almost 6 years ago, but (shame on us some friends would say) dates are not what is keeping our marriage alive. FOR US, is not necessary at the moment. We know that a different season will come when the kids will be older, and mom and dad will go out more, on their own. For now, by God’s grace we keep our marriage alive by talking constantly, having fun, being considerate of each other’s needs, praying and remembering what brought us together.
    Thank you for your insight.

    • I love this so much Gilda. Thank you for sharing your experience and wisdom. Date nights are really a cultural thing, and while it’s fun, there’s nothing magical about leaving the house in my opinion. That fun, conversation and connection can happen at home! Your marriage sounds sweet and healthy and wonderful. I’m so happy for you!

  2. Jen Epstein says:

    Cute article, thanks for sharing 🙂 I feel the same way, even though my husband and I have only been married for 3 years 🙂 Keep you the great blog posts Katie!

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